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April 2010 Self-Responsibility Starts With An I "Take your life into your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." -Erica Jong In the following three scenarios what do the people have in common? Josie is a woman in her twenties. She still lives at home with her mother who makes all Josie's important decisions: How to spend her money, who to go out with, even what clothes to wear. Josie is anxious and depressed. Matt ordered a new printer for his office. When it arrived, he discovered it wasn't compatible with his computer. "Those idiots," he ranted, "Why didn't they tell me this was the wrong printer." Sally and Jerry had a big fight. Now Sally is tossing and turning in the bedroom while Jerry beds down on the sofa. Neither one is getting any sleep and both think the other should make the first move to apologize. If your answer was "Hey, no one is taking any personal responsibility here," you've got a good eye for human behavior. Because what Josie and Matt and Sally and Jerry all have in common is a lack of self-responsibility that leaves them dependent and victimized. They're caught up in blaming others for their problems and waiting for somebody else to come along and make their life right. Unfortunately, they're going to have a long wait because, in the words of self-esteem expert Nathaniel Branden, "No one is coming." This is the good news: Your life is in your hands. You get to make the choices, elect the options and take the actions that come with self-responsibility. It's through the door of self-responsibility that personal power and independence enter, often hand-in-hand, bearing gifts of confidence and self-esteem. Be clear though, self-responsibility is not the same as feeling responsible or accepting the blame for bad things that have happened or situations that are painful. We don't all enter the world with the same trappings, and people, events or circumstances have wreaked trauma and caused wounds from which many are recovering. Self- responsibility means that when you have worked through your grief or anger or other issues, you can ask yourself: Now what am I going to do? What options do I have? At the other end, self-responsibility doesn't mean becoming so self-reliant you don't ask for help when you need it or seek others' opinions or points of view. And it certainly doesn't mean you have to know everything, make every decision alone or take on the world single-handedly. Rather than a heavy burden, self-responsibility can be a source of joy. Knowing you can create the life you want by accepting responsibility for yourself is a great freedom. Even saying the words aloud can produce a feeling of power and strength. Try it. · I am responsible for my choices and actions · I am responsible for how I use my time · I am responsible for my behavior and communication with others · I am responsible for achieving my desires, dreams and wishes · I am responsible for the work I do and the quality I bring to that work · I am responsible for the values I live by and the standards I set Granted, saying the words out loud can be a little scary and intimidating as well as empowering. Accepting and acting out of self-responsibility isn't like falling off the proverbial log; it's not that easy. It takes practice and working through and making mistakes and falling back and finding yourself in a place you didn't want to be again. But that's the thing about personal growth, the place to start is where you are. Author's content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications Psychology News In Brief
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, spanking is a short-term solution
for child misbehavior and as children outgrow spanking, it becomes more difficult
to effectively discipline them. A study published this month in Pediatrics notes
that children who were spanked were found to be more aggressive, frustrated, and
defiant. Teaching
appropriate behavior instills more self-awareness and understanding vs. spanking,
which
instills fear. "Always do right. This will surprise some people and astonish the rest." ~Mark Twain "Every great achievement of humankind has been preceded by a long period of hard, concentrated work until the job was done. Your ability to select your most important task, to begin it, and then to concentrate on it single-mindedly until it is complete is the key to high levels of performance and personal productivity." ~ Brian Tracy "Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands." ~ Clint Eastwood Programs to Help You In addition to the traditional counseling services we provide, Clinical Psychology Associates also offers a variety of other services, including free screenings, free consultations and a therapist blog. For a full listing of our services, please visit our website at www.clinical-psychology-associates.com. About Clinical Psychology Associates Clinical Psychology Associates is a state-certified outpatient
counseling center providing a high level of care to its clients
for over 25 years. To read previous editions of this newsletter, please visit our archived newsletter section on our website at: http://www.clinical-psychology-associates.com/newsletter.htm |
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Clinical
Psychology Associates State Certified Clinic 262.251.1112 |