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August 2009 NEW GROUP STARTING SOON NEW GROUP STARTING SOON - Change the thinking that sabotages your weight loss goals $120 for the complete program Please purchase The Beck Diet Solution Workbook by Judith Beck, PhD, before the first session Facilitated by: Stephanie Delmore, MA, LPC To register: call (262) 251-1112 x7 Fast Help! Back To School: The Family Meeting by Stephanie Delmore, MA, LPC
With new classrooms, sports, and other activities soon beginning, it is the perfect time to think about planning your structure for the fall. The first thing parents may want to consider is a Behavioral Contract with the kids. This is a document which lists things such as behavioral expectations, household responsibilities, academic goals, etc. I have a template which I use with families and this becomes a springboard and working document for clearly outlining expectations and consequences, both good and bad, related to choices and outcomes of various behaviors. I usually suggest that parents call a Family Meeting to work on the Contract. The family sits down together and works on the document as a group. Obviously, the parents have the final authority, but asking the children to participate in the process allows them to be invested in the process and take ownership of it. I've been amazed at the harsh consequences that children will come up with during this process. It's a very different experience, then, for parents to enforce rules that the children have come up with jointly, rather than the kids feeling that they live in a dictatorship. Drawing up the Contract will seem like the easy part. It's the enforcement which comes next which will be even more challenging! This is the toughest part of parenting: the structure and consistency which needs constant reinforcement. This makes me think of when I saw Dr. Thomas Phelan present his 1-2-3 Magic Program to a group of parents and professionals. He told us that parents need to act like "wild animal trainers" when they think about parenting their children. How many times since then have I thought about that on the days that parenting feels so exhausting! Beyond the Behavioral Contract, the Family Meeting is a wonderful way to plan a vacation, decide how to spend a day off, plan some kind of family goal, or have a general check-in with each member in a more deliberate way. Of course we all ask each other "how was your day" most days, but the Family Meeting goes deeper, giving each member time and a voice in planning whatever is on the agenda. Relationships, Growth and Happiness Through Inner-Reflection by Gary Breuer, MA, LPC In our roles as therapists, we regularly facilitate and coach clients on the path of self-discovery and inner-growth. At times we see people who are struggling with feelings of loneliness or feeling out of place around others due to not being in a romantic relationship, or continually finding themselves in unhealthy relationships. Unlocking the right combination to access inner-happiness can help one form healthy relationships and experience life circumstances positively. From a relationship standpoint, we are accustomed to living in a society where being "coupled" is often expected and stressed, often silently. Therefore, individuals oftentimes feel an unspoken pressure by society, friends, family, and sometimes (perhaps as a result) themselves to "need" to be coupled with another individual. While being in a relationship can have it's many benefits including the emotional support a relationship provides, being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship or being in a relationship at the wrong time or with the wrong person can prove to be quite the opposite of beneficial. First, a point that is stressed in therapy is that an individual must first and foremost be happy with him/herself. What does this happiness look like? There is no hard and fast answer to this question as individual happiness is something an "individual" must define. This is defined based on a plethora of likes, traits, preferences, strengths, and life goals (to name only a few). Second, it is important to understand that nobody can make another happy. Many love songs on the radio refer to how another has come along and swept someone off of their feet or turned their gray skies to blue. To the contrary, happiness does not come from the outside but rather from within. Happiness is a choice as well as a process that only a person can attain within him/herself through work and self-discipline. A relationship is not meant to "complete" someone; rather, the companionship of a spouse or partner can only compliment the other. A spouse or partner is a compliment in terms of the support that they can offer, by helping another to be all that they can be by reminding them of who they are, but not to complete the person. If one is looking to another to complete him/herself, eventually the spouse or partner will tire of feeling relied upon as a savior to the point of over-dependence. Inner-reflection can be a avenue to give yourself the time needed to define who you are and what matters most to you presently. It is important to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to figure this out. One technique is to quiet the mind, and listen in silence for the answers that come from within. This is a process of accessing inner wisdom and is practiced in many spiritual traditions. This wisdom can speak to any roadblocks one may be experiencing in current relationships or past issues that may first need to be resolved. Psychotherapy can also be a tool to assist to help with this process of inner-exploration and defining oneself, and ultimately, listening to one's own inner voice. Therapy is often mistaken as a process where an expert will tell the patient what to do about their life or situation. Rather, the process involves a skilled practitioner who guides the client in finding those answers that lie within. As people get to know themselves better, they naturally attract the right people into their lives more easily. This practice can transcend more than finding the right relationship.
It can be helpful to ask yourself "What are my life goals?",
"Am I happy in my career?", "Am I happy with what
I have accomplished in my life?", or "What is important
to me at this stage of my life?", for example. You may be
surprised at how much inner wisdom you carry within yourself.
It also helps to recognize that life is not always complete "when
I have that relationship", or "when I have purchased
that vacation home" or "when I get that promotion."
Life is a never-ending process of growth and to grow through life's
changes smoothly and effectively, it is wise to listen to our
own inner-voices during all stages of our lives and learn to accept
ourselves where we are in the present year, month, day, and most
importantly, moment. Therapist Q&A: Relationship Discord: Understanding Its Roots Therapists are trained in relationships and understanding relationship patterns. Therapists often see that people in relationships are affected by certain, but not all, actions of their spouse or partner. This can be as small as leaving out the tube of toothpaste or drinking straight out of the carton of milk. On the other hand, profound negative actions on the part of one person in a relationship can really "push the buttons" of their spouse or partner. Why would an individual be so affected by one action as opposed to another? Oftentimes, one's "buttons" are pushed because their spouse or partner is touching on emotionally sensitive triggers. These triggers are often not only a sore spot due to one's partner or the current relationship, but rather, they are oftentimes triggers because the person has a sensitivity surrounding a particular issue from the past. These triggers can often be traced to one's prior relationships or childhood relationships within the family of origin. A past relationship issue might have have a central theme of being abused or feeling neglected, for example, and one might feel this common theme or feeling similar feelings in present relationships. Our early relationships form a basis for how we view our future relationships with other people, ourselves and with the external world. Current conflicts in relationships can often be understood by
looking at early conflicts in life and understanding one's role
in those relationships. A trained therapist can help you to identify
the roots of a current relational problem by gaining greater understanding
of those early relationships and re-defining oneself in the present
by creating healthy boundaries and expectations. As a result,
one can gain greater satisfaction in current relationships and
can experience a reduction in stress, worry and depression. Psychology News In Brief According to an April 2009 study from the journal SLEEP, poor
sleep is suspected to be a major health risk factor, especially
for hypertension. The study indicates that people who slept less
than five hours are 500 times more at risk for hypertension compared
to those who got more than six hours of sleep/who don't have insomnia.
Further it notes that insomnia sufferers who obtained more sleep
(between five and six hours) were at risk of hypertension 350
times higher than people without insomnia. The study cautions
that people with insomnia but who experience a normal duration
of sleep may be less at risk of such physical problems, however,
they still risk developing depression as a result of their insomnia.
The study recommends obtaining appropriate medical treatment if
you feel that you are suffering from insomnia. (From medicalnewstoday.com) "When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion." ~Dale Carnegie "Defeat should never be a source of discouragement, but rather a fresh stimulus." ~Robert South "Purpose is the place where your deep gladness meets the
world's needs." ~Frederick Buechner Programs to Help You In addition to the traditional counseling services we provide, Clinical Psychology Associates also offers the following: · Depression Screening For information regarding any of these programs or to schedule a confidential consultation, please contact our programs coordinator, Chris Lerner, LCSW, at lernerc@hotmail.com or 262-251-1112, ext 8. For a full listing of the services we offer, please go to http://www.clinical-psychology-associates.com/services.htm FREE CONSULTATIONS THERAPIST BLOG About Clinical Psychology Associates Clinical Psychology Associates is a state-certified outpatient
counseling center providing a high level of care to its clients
for over 25 years. To read previous editions of this newsletter, please visit our archived newsletter section on our website at: http://www.clinical-psychology-associates.com/newsletter.htm Written by Gary Breuer, MA, LPC |
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Clinical
Psychology Associates State Certified Clinic 262.251.1112 |