May 2007

In this newsletter:
• Fast Help: Depression Screening
• Therapist Q&A
• Clinic Announcements

Depression Screening
Depression can manifest in many forms. People may become depressed as a result of life-changing events such as divorce, job loss, death of a loved one, a move, or a fight with a friend or family member. Depression can also manifest biochemically as a result of an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. Sometimes people report they feel depressed for reasons they can’t pinpoint. Below is a link to a self-screening inventory from Psychology Today. It’s a helpful checklist that provides insight into whether you or a loved one may be experiencing symptoms of depression and may wish to consider further evaluation.

http://psychologytoday.psychtests.com/tests/depression_abridged_access.html

Symptoms of depression can cause difficulty in one's ability to function in different areas of life (social, occupational, for example). Whatever the cause for depression, it’s important to note that depression is a treatable medical illness. Only a trained healthcare professional such as a therapist or doctor can diagnose and treat depression. If you feel you are experiencing depression or may benefit from working with a trained therapist, don't hesitate to call on us today. We look forward to working with you and guiding you on the road to recovery.


Therapist Q&A
I feel as though my partner and I are always fighting. How can we begin to communicate effectively?

In every relationship there are times when people experience communication difficulties. This can be for many reasons: difficulty understanding each other's point of view, different styles of communication, personality differences, past unresolved hurts, or personal issues, to name a few. The key to any healthy relationship is healthy communication, which requires differentiating between an occasional argument and serious communication issues. Below are some unhealthy communication patterns that can cause tension and division in a relationship.

THE TOP TEN WAYS TO SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
by Martha Jackson Oppeneer, Staff Member, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

1. Speak for each other. Don't waste time actually asking your partner what they think or feel. Just tell them.

2. Focus on the negative aspects of your relationship. Assume your partner knows what it is you love and appreciate about them and doesn't need to be told again.

3. If you would like to discuss a relationship problem, raise the issue in a harsh, critical, even contemptuous way. In doing so, you will gain the upper hand by immediately placing your partner in a defensive position.

4. "Globalize" your remarks by using phrases such as "you always" or "you never." Use rhetorical questions like, "What's wrong with you?" Since there are no adequate responses to such remarks, you can end the argument quickly and get back to your TV program.

5. When your partner raises a difficult issue with you, withdraw, shut down, check out - do anything that will make you emotionally inaccessible. This approach gives you the satisfaction of knowing you caused your partner to feel helpless and isolated - and perhaps even a bit crazy. With any luck your partner won't attempt to discuss relationship issues again.

6. If you need something from your partner (e.g., more affection, affirmation, verbal expressions of love), by all means do not share this information with them. It would take all the romance and excitement out of the relationship. Let your partner guess! You may spend much of your life feeling angry with your partner for guessing incorrectly but, if they ever get it right, it will feel great! (That is, if you're not too angry to notice.)

7. Establish wildly unrealistic expectations for your relationship. Expect every moment to be something straight out of a Hollywood movie. If your partner isn't measuring up, keep your eyes open for someone who might. Knowing you're still sizing up the competition keeps your partner on his or her toes!

8. Ignore the social niceties you would offer a friend, co-worker, or acquaintance: courtesy, respect, kindness, appreciation. After all, isn't the whole point of finding a life partner to have someone with whom you don't need to work that hard? When you come home shouldn't you be able to "let down" and just be yourself - however rude or ugly that self may be?

9. When you discuss problems in a relationship don't admit to any culpability. Defend your honor! Assume there is only one "truth" or absolute reality and strive to help your partner understand this. To be fully effective in this quest, don't listen to what your partner is saying. When your partner is speaking use this time to formulate your brilliant rebuttal.

10. The goal of an argument is not to understand your partner better, to offer them enough safety to freely share their thoughts and feelings, or to achieve compromise or reconciliation. It is to WIN. Be a warrior!

If any of the above inner dialogs sound familiar or you feel you and your partner are experiencing communication difficulties, talk with your partner and consider professional counseling. Our relationship counselors can assess relationship as well as individual personal issues causing communication difficulties and teach you the skills necessary for healthy communication. Call us today to begin improving the quality of your relationship!

If you have a question you'd like answered by us, please send an email. Your confidentiality is always maintained.


Clinic News
We are accepting new clients at this time. If you know anyone you think would benefit from counseling or a consultation with us, please have him or her give us a call. We thank you in advance for any referrals you provide.