May 2008

In this newsletter:

1) Fast Help: Compassion vs. Competition
2) Therapist Q&A: Mental Health Stigma
3) Reading Recommendations
4) Clinic Announcements: New staff!

1) Fast Help: Compassion "vs." Competition

In our fast-paced American culture, we oftentimes learn, not always by intention, to be competitive. This is stressed in sports and is an undertone in much of the media (i.e., having the "perfect" body), and is common in schools and businesses. Competition becomes such a huge part of people's lives that, in some cases, they find they are constantly trying to "keep up with the Jones'." There are healthy forms of competition which help us to strive to be better people in terms of setting our goals and being productive. However, there are many problems associated with excessive competition. One may find that once they "beat out" one person, there is someone else who has something more, and the behavior continues. Also, excessive competition can separate us from other people, which is contrary to the basic human social need of bonding with others. A person oftentimes doesn't realize that he or she actually is competing with him or herself because nothing ever is enough. As a person finds himself in constant competition, he may also find an inner loneliness and lack of connection with himself and others.

In many eastern cultures, community is taught as opposed to competition. They stress that peace and contentment within oneself is the key to success (as opposed to money and power). How can one begin to find this inner happiness? Quieting our busy minds, sitting and turning our attention within ourselves, we can begin to evaluate our lives and be more self-aware of issues that plague us, thus finding more inner peace. By understanding ourselves more, we learn to become less critical and more compassionate toward ourselves. Further, as we do this, we learn to appreciate others and practice compassion toward them also. As the old saying goes "understand yourself in order to better understand others."

We can also begin to learn more about ourselves by helping others. Volunteering or serving the needs of others helps us understand their humanity and thus better understand our own humanity, finding that, as people, we are all more alike than we originally thought. As adults practicing compassion, we teach our children to be compassionate with themselves and with others. Consider the ways this can positively impact our children's lives (improving self-esteem and reversing negative behaviors such as criticizing, self-doubt name-calling, or bullying). If children can feel better about themselves now, imagine how much healthier and happier they will be as adults!

2) Therapist Q&A: Mental Health Stigma

I am considering therapy, but I am concerned about being labeled "crazy" or being looked at as weak.

As therapists we hear such concerns regularly. For many years, mental illness had a negative stigma associated with it which can still be present in our culture. However, this stigma has become less present over the years as mental health issues have begun to be given the same attention as physical illnesses. Further, it is common for people to encounter mental health issues throughout the course of their lives. The good news is that mental illnesses are treatable. Psychotherapy is not only provided for people struggling with serious mental health issues but also for people struggling with adjustments with normal day-to-day struggles. Reaching out is a real sign of strength as this demonstrates awareness that there is a problem going on in one's life. Reaching out for help, as opposed to abusing alcohol, drugs or gambling, is a proactive measure to getting back on track and living a healthy and productive life. You owe it to yourself!

3) Reading Recommendations

Staff Therapist Joy Hartman, MSW, LCSW, recommends:

Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, by Mary Pipher, PhD.
"At adolescence, says Mary Pipher, "girls become 'female impersonators' who fit their whole selves into small, crowded spaces." Many lose spark, interest, and even IQ points as a "girl-poisoning" society forces a choice between being shunned for staying true to oneself and struggling to stay within a narrow definition of female. Pipher's alarming tales of a generation swamped by pain may be partly informed by her role as a therapist who sees troubled children and teens, but her sketch of a tougher, more menacing world for girls often hits the mark. She offers some prescriptions for changing society and helping girls resist."
(Amazon.com review)

Parenting With Love and Logic, by Foster W. Cline & Jim Fay.
"Psychiatrist Cline and educator Fay's "Love and Logic" parenting method advocates raising responsible children through practice. "Helicopter" parents hover around their children while "drill sergeant" parents give orders to theirs, they claim. Neither of these styles permits children to learn how to make choices and learn from the consequences. The result is that as early as adolescence these children too often make bad decisions. In the context of a healthy, loving relationship, "Love and Logic" parents teach their children responsibility and the logic of life by solving their own problems, providing skills for coping in the real world. After laying out the principles of "Love and Logic," the authors provide "parenting pearls," which are strategies for applying the method to actual situations such as back-seat battles in the car, homework, and keeping bedrooms clean. The narration, performed by Tim
Kenney and Bert Gurule, is clear and energetic. This is an upbeat and sensible approach to child rearing that will be popular in public libraries." -Nann Blaine Hilyard, Fargo P.L., N.D.

Shelter of Each Other, by Mary Pipher, PhD.
"As she tells stories of families her own and others, therapist Pipher (Reviving Ophelia) focuses on small victories in what she calls "the current family-hurting culture." Distancing herself from therapies that pathologize families, Pipher claims to have experienced the power of hope that can be stimulated through carefully chosen family stories. In even the most dysfunctional families, she discerns threads of connectedness that have led to empowerment of her clients as they became more capable of handling their own lives. Pipher recommends an empathetic approach to families' efforts to survive in a difficult era, one that parallels the homesteading years of her grandparents earlier in this century. She offers plain and practical talk for beleaguered parents and the families they are trying to protect." (From Publisher's Weekly/Amazon.com)

We welcome the titles and authors of any appropriate books you have found to be particularly useful. We may then share them in this newsletter and on our website (your name will be withheld for confidentiality purposes). If you have a book you'd like to share, please send the title, author, and a brief description to cpa@wi.rr.com.

4) Clinic News

We are pleased to announce a new staff therapist that has joined our agency! Christine Lerner, MSW, LCSW has 10 years experience working with individuals, couples and families. Chris specializes in the areas of work-related issues, personal growth and development, anxiety, depression, parenting and blended families. Chris is a holistic therapist who focuses on the mind-body-spirit connection during the growing and healing process. To read more about Chris, please visit our website.

We are accepting new clients at this time. If you know anyone who you think would benefit from counseling or a consultation with us, please have him or her give us a call. We thank you in advance for any referrals you provide.